no reply. i noe she was online. hai. wad can i say. let go let go let go. do i have another choice?

ba fen shou dang zhuo shi yi zhong jie tuo, qi shi cai shi yi zhong xin fu.

if tt day comes.. i wldn't noe how to react. cny is over. muz start my muggin now liao. so sad. so fast. everyone has their own life to handle. just happen tt mine is in a mess.

well comments given was tt my blog v mafan... haha. so i took away the script prompt. well the cny photos. i feel so tired.. falling sick soon. she nv reply. dunno y. i ask if wo zhi cuo le will i stil get a chance. no reply. wad does tt mean? our story. by tension. v nice song though v old liao. well at least it reminds me of her. n jie kou. esp. alot of meaning. hai. tt's y i ask. its in one of the lines.

cny. but there isn't a cny lyk tt b4. i am happy n sad. mixed feelings. superstar i din win of cos. i jus join for fun. wa my lips got pimples. dem pain. v long nv blog le. lyk so so long. i'm so sad again. any 1 heard b4 dongjie? by jj. ytd when k wif my class ppl. k clique i mean. not bad. but i realise the songs i noe revolves ard jj n mayday n a few here n there.

cny wout a celebration.

i flopped ytd. cant jue jiang anymore. i'll sing back zhi zhu ba. be zhi zhu w my zhi zhu. haha. i jus found a bank for my feelings. dong jie by jj is dem nice. i cried. den superman by mayday oso dem sad. i was listening to it this mornin on the bus den cried on the bus. wth. den jus now tried zhi zhu. oso cried. tap. humans r full of emotions. Men, a species that will cherish things they have lost. hope the things will be back soon. dong jie all the memories, the first time we got together, the first time i held her hand, kiss her.

yeah i finally decided to sing jue jiang. i found a software to put down the pitch. minus one. hope i can dun malu.. haha..

i cant seem to post alot of pics up. nvm will try tml.. haha. all kope from cnd's blog. Muz know how to be zhi zhu. today s i was gg to beauty world i was listenin to zhi zhu. found more reasons to noe the lyrics. its realli v v sad. A sad love story.

Its a superstar day. I wanted to backed out. Hum. ha. But in the end, I sang back zhi zhu cos there's no music. I got in. Cindy sang Ah mei's jie tuo. I think she sang pretty well lor. The judges are mr michael tay n a female teacher. dunno who. But she say i sang from my throat. Which is quite true. Somehow i feel that we live in a world of contradictions and in the world to live for others. The catchy songs are very popular, though some finalists didn't get in. And one thing, I have to sing in front of the JC1s!!! tap. there is roman, siyuan, match stick, wei wen and the jj guy. They are really pro. I think i'm like the 6th. Ha. Sorry for not blogging for so long. I was very busy. Hehe. will update more often den tag me if i don't update frequently. 05S18.. Thank you. esp to ppl like shiling, juliet, cindy, angela, joanna, shiu cheong, samuel, katherine and those who have supported me. Hee. I'm very touched. If I get the superstar by chance, Its that slim lor.. If really hor then my dad will tio 4D. ha. If i really get, I will get you all upstage. haha. Then encore me. Then the whole class come up and sing. But if i dun get, Must clap loud loud hor.. at least pretend that you are interested. ha. Wa. physics spa.. ok la.. my graph abit weird. dun say le.. i fake two results. ha.

I maybe joining it. (NJC superstar!) Ha to those who are my frequent viewers, sorry for not blogging for a few days. I was too busy. Ha cnd, Just too bad la. We must tag more often.. make cnd jealous.
I'm singing zhi zhu by may day. Its a nice song. V sad thou. I realised there's radio blogging. Haha. Maybe I'll come up with one and record my voice to convert it to mp3. My voice is still not trained to sing high pitch. But I have been singing since 4 plus. Tap. Must go mug now le. This friday people we have phy skill b rmb.. ha. Jia you. I'm much happier now. Thanks for those who were here and lend a listening ear. I won't be working on monday! ha. Crystal let me off. whew.

Maldives. sad. Its from 9 to 19 march. My version of F4 are all going. with their edusave less than 50. Me? $1130.33. but should i go? I really don't know. My ct results will determine if i can continuing take my s paper. But if i go, i'll cover the cip, and adventure part of my CV. how? Help me!!!

I thought I got over it. I thought I was strong. It is 2.18 am in the morning Sunday that I'm blogging. I used to think tong hua is a crappy song. But I just cried after listening to the song.
童话
忘了有多久
再没听到你对我说你最爱的故事我想了很久
我开始慌了
是不是我又做错了什么你哭著对我说
童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子也许你不会懂
从你说爱我以后
我的天空 星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里
你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局

I saw her frienster photos. Remembered the days when we were together. I can picture the scenarios in the songs. With me and her being the main characters of the plot. Why?
She's single. If you can source out why. I'll wait. I'll make do anything to be as ever. I hope she'll believe that we'll live happily ever after. Because I love her. Tears never flow the same way I want them to flow anymore. Uncontrollably, I may let go one day. Is she happy? Are you happier without me? Do you still believe in fairy tales?

I may consider joining NJC superstar. If yt joins. I'll pick a song that describes my feeling about her. Though she won't be there, but at least I've tried. I have no regrets when comes to losing her. Because I've tried. Just shows that I can't prove to her that I love her as much.

yeah! it worked! wahaha.

yeah! it worked! wahaha.

can't seem to upload my photos here. Its ok. I just got home. Going to mug bio practical and finish it. Wish me luck. Made a blunder today. Was supposed to send a message to my friend. But in the end it went to her inbox. But at least I let her know that I'm waiting for her.

Evrything was so difficult. Didn't know how to do physics S questions. I was staring at it blankly. Then gave up. A new song composed:

When the stars fall into place,
When the moon shines into your eyes,
I can see you in my mind,
Can I have a second chance?
I don't want to fall in love again,
I don't wish to cry through the night,
Neither do you want to be mine once more
To see how we got together.
I hate you, for losing faith in me.
I love you, and i will wait for you.
Are you the only one,
That I cannot try to forget
Maybe that’s what I call Fate,
All is done and its over.

Was dreadful because I had pe today. We did circuit training. Was so worn out. I tried to forget. Tried to keep myself occupied by doing alot of things. But when I'm tired, I start to think about her. I don't know for how long but after a while it jus came to me that you were no longer mine anymore. The photo below. I took it before I left school. It was so funny. What was the girl doing? Leave some room for you to ponder. Quite cool because she was there for quite a while. Samuel, xiao hui and li ting was there. The rest went off early. Raining heavily so I suppose it spoilt the mood of a clique outing. I went to lot1. Interested in D500c. But too bad the starhub shop at lot 1 don't carry that handphone. Anyway my dad didn't really say he'll sign his contract for me.
A moment of anger, a moment of truth, a moment of folly, a moment of regret.
Tommorow is haji. Maybe its all fate. Because I have no mood to study. I ain't finish crying. I ain't have time to miss her enough that she left me. silently but painfully. I know it isn't her fault. Beacuse I drove her to that stage of doubt. Of doubting someone who break her heart again and again. Of doubting someone who loves her twice or even a hundred times as much now.

Humans tend to deceive themselves to believe in something positive before they enter into a stage of depression when truth sets in and they have no choice but to accept it. It came hard upon me. I have to admit that even I knew something was amiss two months ago, I pretended that nothing was wrong and hope for the better. It was a miracle it lived till 7 january. But a pity that a 2 year odd relationship ended. I can go on lamenting and crying over the spilled milk, but it won't help. She is gone. Something that I was proud of once is really gone. People tend to cherish things when they no longer stay by your side. I didn't know she was that important to me until the glass of love shatter. I'm still hoping, for the dead to rise from its grave, for God to descend from heaven, for pigs to fly, for cows to swim. But will it take a long time? Or will it never happen? Once a saint always a saint. My version: Once attached always attached to that person.
Everyone is waiting for the chance where they can find their true love. Mine came. But left. It came silently and left quietly. Just like a gust of wind. Something that will be forgotten. But I ain't going to forget it anymore. I can't bear to. The only thing left behind was the beautiful memories I had with her. And if that is gone too, the flame will extinguish. The passion will die. Never rekindle anymore. I was labelled a cassanova. I was one actually. But when she stepped out, I wished I was never one. For her I'll swear to change, to be good to her, to be nice and thoughtful to the people around me. To even be nice to the flowers and trees that my country has.
If you find your true love, I'll give you my blessings. If anytime you find that the world outside is cold and you need me, I'll wait for you at where you left me. Evrything left unmoved. Everything will be the same. The perfect picture in our minds that we painted.
The perfect picture that may never come true.

You are my sunshine,
my only sunshine,
you make me happy,
when skys are grey.
You never know dear,
how much I love you,
Please don't take my sunshine away.

That was the last message I sent her. I was wrong. You were right to doubt me. Just like how I trust you after 2 years, you gave up on a beast who betrayed you thrice in 2 years. I was the beast. And you are my beauty. But this ain't a fairytale. Because a beast will always remain that way In your eyes even if it tries to. The marathon he ran so fast as if somebody was after his life now cease to be something brave. It became a fugitive escape. But in the end, it collapsed. With its last breath and closing of his weary eyes, its body became colder and colder each hour passing by. No one came to help. Even if they did, they could do nothing. They just watched it dies slowly. Until she came and kissed the dry cracked lips of it. It woke up. But she wasn't there.
Was it a dream? It saw the hankerchief she always bring along. No it wasn't fake at all. She came. To bid the last farewell. Before she rises to heaven and meets her new world, new chapter, new beginning of life. It climbed up on its feet, limping back to its den, it forgot what was pain like, because there was no joy. It forgot what was eternal bliss, because there was no her. No her to spend its life with till eternity. maybe that's why.
There is no definite answer. Because is she happy? Can it ever forget her? One thing for sure is that she lives in its heart. It can hear it. The beast, the beauty.
Is this the real version of beauty and the beast? I don't know. Neither does the two main characters in the story.
Maybe it could sound cliche and weird to you, but its just an alternative plot that was experienced in reality.

Parting is one of man's pet peevee. Well I guess its mine too. Saw her online. Was very awkward initially. To tell you the truth, I still blame her. But what can I say? Be grace and let her go. Why do I have to hold her back just to make mysef happy? But am I happy now? I don't know. And I don't wish to know. We chatted online. Quarrelled actually. Was it my fault? I couldn't bother to explain. My mind was all about how to make her happy when we were having the break. I thought it through. That I should be nicer. That I should change. Maybe she didn't like some parts of what I have change. But I was Wrong. So wrong. It was all decided. Since the thailand trip. I should not have scolded her. I should not have asked her to meet me. Though I wanted to take care of her and see if I could be of any help. But I was misunderstood. As a selfish, deperate boyfriend who wants to meet his girlfriend. Haven't I changed enough? Maybe not. Maybe its never enough. Because all humans are hungry. Never satisfied. Take things for granted. Just like what I was in the past. Thanks for the lesson learnt. To be tolerant and forgiving under all circumstances. To demand for something that I would never ever do but I tried for you. I didn't even change that much for my parents. Thanks for changing me and giving me false hopes.
At least there was a hope once before. Though the candle of hope flickered and finally ceased to serve its purpose by giving you warmth.

cool? 

tt's me 

Life is never the perfect picture in your mind. However hard I try to change myself for my special one, it would fail to become something normal. I realised what is important to a relationship. Trust. But I failed. Sorry that I cannot take you to be my lawful wedded wife Will not be able to love, respect and honour you throughout my years together.
listened to this song was v sad.
自我催眠
人群里面那个我把幸福遗落
那曾经走过的路口我停了你却走
我想捂住我的耳朵听不见你说
爱就在此刻松手分手放手
我猜不透不猜透
和你背对背的走
原来怪我没有
没有爱情的天分你才要走 Woo
我想要学会自我催眠
痛觉会少一些
潜意识作祟想着想到失眠
我躺在没有你的房间
寂寞更加明显
我渐渐的自我催眠
却回不到从前
等着红灯那个我还会向前走
也许那幸福的执着在下一个路口
专属铃声我还留着却静静沉默
在我们之间爱了放了散了
我会不说不想说
怕说了也没有用
现在我的幽默
只是掩饰着心痛我的难过 Oh
我想要学会自我催眠
痛觉会少一些
潜意识作祟想着想到失眠
我躺在没有你的房间
寂寞更加明显
我渐渐的自我催眠
却回不到从前
我想要学会自我催眠
聪明再多一些
潜意识作祟想着想到失眠
聪明再多一些
我走在没有你的世界
却走不到永远
我渐渐的自我催眠
慢慢闭上双眼
kept thinking about the happy times when we got together.
The first time when i saw you. When your dad came to school and the rest of the drama people keep calling him my dad-in-law. The very first time i held your hand walking up the slope. The very first time we watch our first movie: Freaky Friday and I had popcorn all over my shirt. The first time we took neoprints together. All is gone just like before we started.
I hope life gets better for you and for me. But I'll remember all the ice-skating sessions, all the movies(we didn't watch 100), all the the bus rides and the drama sessions. You chose what you wanted. I hope you didn't regret it. I hope I was nicer two years ago. Maybe that will turn the tables around to the extent that things could be solve in a better way.
At 1.43pm, my heart stop beating. I was dead. How I wished I could turn back the time. But it was all too late. You didn't have the confidence to say no to me. I could feel it. To think that I kept saying about breaking up for the past few years, in the end, I was the biggest loser. I end up being the one that was the one without any goals. Because i was a part of you. I felt like a part of you. When you stopped visiting me, I wondered why. I didn't understand why you gave me a cold shoulder, until today. I'm glad I plucked up the courage to let you go. I'm happy I think you made the right choice. Because I'm not worthy. Know you'll find better ones. We did change in the end, if you didn't realise. I became too sensitive in your opinion. And you, too insensitive. You didn't even bother to sms or call me after school term starts. Thanks. I was made a fool believing that you are busy. Busy to the extent that you couldn't even spend one minute of your time to message me?
To be happy. Or to be sad?

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# Martin
# cckps, scss, css, NJC, (currently in NS)
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